Just introducing myself.My husband who is 56 years old was diagnosed with metastatic cancer of the tongue at the end of October. The secondary growths (both sides of the neck) were identified first. Fortunately that seems to be where the spread has stopped for now, but there was a node in his chest which is being kept a close eye on. We have 11 (nearly 12 year old) twin girls (non identical) and an almost 8 year old son. Our son and one of the twins have been diagnosed (also in the past 12 months) with ASD (level 2). So my life currently is a blur of specialists, therapists, and dealings with various government agencies. I also volunteer for my local multiple birth organisation and I work as a midwife. Overall, while the initial feelings of shock have faded, we are both still in a state of disbelief that this has happened to us. My husband was a smoker but quit 25 years ago. He's always looked after his teeth and he's never been a heavy drinker (all the risk factors that were mentioned). He commenced chemotherapy on the 16th December and to date he has had 3 hospital admissions as he is just not coping physically. After his first round he ended up with neutropaenic colitis and was in hospital for 5 days which included Christmas Day. This has been the absolute hardest thing for all of us to deal with.We are also in school holidays , and while the kids are being pretty good, it is also pretty sucky spending your whole holidays being dragged from pillar to post while mum and dad go to all the appointments. Any tips? Will be grateful to hear from anybody.

My partner has cancer

Mouth cancer

My partner died from cancer

My child died from cancer

My partner survived cancer

My child survived cancer

I survived cancer

My child has cancer

I am a parent with cancer

My Story

Hi all, I am here, to look for help. I’m actually lost my mum to cancer 2 1/2 years ago but am 29yrs old, so too old for the kids community. However my siblings were 14 and 21 when my mum passed. My younger brother is the person I’m here for, he has just now turned 17. He is in absolute turmoil and heading down the wrong road, he does realise this thankfully. My dad isn’t really sure how to manage it all and also is trying to move on with his own life. (That’s another story) Can anyone recommend any support for my brother? He has been to a canteen camp once before, he isn’t really keen to go on another camp. But does want to meet some people that have experienced a similar thing and are a bit more like minded. We are located in The South of Adelaide. We don’t have any other family here as we are originally from the UK so the support is minimal. Also does anyone have any recommendations of any professional help of someone he could talk to that has been great with their teens? I have 2 young daughters of my own and I just don’t know how else to support a teenage boy who doesn’t really talk much other than just be here for him when he needs me. Does anyone else out there have a similar situation or perhaps a teenage boy that he could chat to?

Teenage Boy

Grief & Bereavement

The Cancer Council shares <a href="https://www.cancer.org.au/about-cancer/share-your-cancer-story/mark-nye.html">Mark Nye's story</a> of surviving cancer. In March 2010 when Mark woke one morning rubbing his stomach, feeling a lump just below his right ribs. he booked to see his GP, who sent him for an ultrasound. When the ultrasound showed there was something there, he next needed a biopsy."It was a nervous wait for the results, and a couple of days later the oncologist rang. I had a neuroendocrine pancreatic cancer. The only words I remembered from that call were &ldquo;pancreatic cancer&rdquo;. I returned home and immediately turned to Google, and it was the worst thing I could have done. After reading the search results, I gave myself three to six months to live. I was devastated as I waited for my wife and daughter to return home for me to inform them of the devastating news."Today, after a Whipple procedure, Mark is feeling great. "In fact, I met with my oncologist and he has said that I am now cancer free." You can read Mark's full story <a href="https://www.cancer.org.au/about-cancer/share-your-cancer-story/kellie-heritage.html">here</a>.

Turning to Google after my diagnosis was the worst thing I could have done!

Looking After Myself

Just wondering how many of you with teenage children had lengthy discussions with your child during treatment. My son and I hardly spoke at all. I still felt very close to him but unlike in the movies there were no deep and meaningfuls. Is this common?

Conversation with my teen

Everyday Life

Hi all,
With the end of school exams (called the HSC here in NSW) and trial exams coming up, what kind of tips and strategies do you use to help your child get through when dealing with the added stress of cancer?

Supporting young people through end of school exams

Supporting My Child

Welcome to the CanTeen Connect Parent Forums. Tell us about yourself. :)

Introduce Yourself!

When your partner has&nbsp;cancer, your child&rsquo;s relationship with you is even more important &ndash; the most helpful thing they need is for you to be there for them, physically and emotionally.&nbsp;That can be a challenge when you&rsquo;re caring for your partner with cancer.&nbsp;These tips can help you make the most of the time with your child so they feel loved and secure despite all the change affecting your family.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Communicate, and appreciate&nbsp;&nbsp;<ul><li>Let them know you understand, and appreciate, that your partner&rsquo;s cancer is having a big impact on their life too.&nbsp;</li><li>If they&rsquo;ve taken on extra chores and responsibilities, like looking after younger siblings, let them know that you (and your partner) appreciate it. Most young people are keen to help, but if it feels like a burden or unvalued it can cause anger and stress.&nbsp;</li><li>Remind them how much you love them through words, hugs and time spent together.&nbsp;</li><li>Especially with teenagers and young adults, be honest about what&rsquo;s happening and&nbsp;your feelings. It will help them trust you and feel they can be honest about their feelings with you.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li></ul>&nbsp;Spend time with&nbsp;them&nbsp;<ul><li>Find time to do something special with your child. Going&nbsp;shopping&nbsp;or to a movie&nbsp;gives you both a break&nbsp;from &lsquo;the cancer&rsquo;&nbsp;and lets your child know that your relationship is&nbsp;really&nbsp;important to you.&nbsp;</li><li>Rather than feel guilty about times when you are&nbsp;at the hospital or caring for your partner or just need to get some sleep,&nbsp;on the days when you do have time forget the housework or catching up on email and do something fun with your child.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li>Protect your family time. Ignore your phones when you&rsquo;re having dinner or doing something together. Create opportunities for you all to make memories together.&nbsp;</li><li>Have a &ldquo;cancer free&rdquo; day when you don&rsquo;t talk about (and try not to think about)&nbsp;cancer and do fun things that allow all your family members to relax, laugh and joke.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li></ul>&nbsp;More advice/support&nbsp;&nbsp;Useful sites/resources

How to Maintain My Relationship With My Child When My Partner Has Cancer

Cancer and cancer treatment inevitably mean some disruptions and changes to your family&rsquo;s routines. Keeping things as &lsquo;normal&rsquo; as possible gives your children a sense of security and support&nbsp;in the midst of&nbsp;all the chaos and change.&nbsp;&nbsp;Keep things as normal as possible&nbsp;Continue with your normal routines as much as possible.&nbsp; Tell your child it&rsquo;s okay to go about their life as usual - to see their friends, play sport, do after-school activities and have fun. Some young people feel guilty about having fun when their parent is sick. Keeping up their sport or hobbies or time with friends means they have some &lsquo;time out&rsquo; away from the cancer.&nbsp;Tell your children how their day-to-day routines are going to be affected. Children, especially younger ones, like routine and it helps them feel secure.&nbsp;So&nbsp;prepare them for any changes in advance and involve them as much as you can &ndash; for example, choosing which of two friends they would prefer to go to their swimming lessons with. Make sure they know:&nbsp;<ul><li>who will be looking after them if you&rsquo;re not at home&nbsp;and that they will never be alone&nbsp;</li><li>how long will you be away from&nbsp;home&nbsp;</li><li>who will pick them up from school or take them to their sport training or music lesson&nbsp;</li><li>any other changes to their usual routine.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li></ul>Sometimes plans change suddenly, so also help your child to understand that sometimes they will need to go with the flow.&nbsp;&nbsp;If your child is an adolescent or young adult, many aspects of their normal life and development may be changed, or even missed altogether. As well as less of your time and attention, they may have less time to spend on their interests or with people outside the family due to increased responsibilities such as household chores or looking after younger siblings. Encourage and help them to keep up their social life and activities they enjoy.&nbsp;&nbsp;How to maintain normal routines&nbsp;Keeping family life as normal and stable as possible reduces the amount of change your child&nbsp;has to&nbsp;cope with. Some tips for trying to maintain &lsquo;normal&rsquo;:&nbsp;<ul><li>Ensure that your child continues going to school (or continues their tertiary education or work)&nbsp; 
&nbsp;</li><li>Accept or ask for help from others so your child can continue after-school or weekend activities like sport or music.&nbsp;</li></ul>If there are just too many activities to juggle talk to your child about putting one on hold for a&nbsp;while, but&nbsp;try to keep up most of their normal schedule so they get &lsquo;time out&rsquo; from thinking about your cancer.&nbsp;&nbsp;<ul><li>Preserve family time&nbsp;</li></ul>If you can, try to set aside time for the whole family as well as for each of your children.&nbsp;<ul><li>Maintain normal family rules.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li></ul>Key things to remember&nbsp;Keeping routines as normal as possible doesn&rsquo;t mean pushing yourself to make sure nothing changes. Often parents feel guilty about the impact of their cancer on their children and push themselves to keep doing everything. But there may be times you just can&rsquo;t.&nbsp;&nbsp;Your family will adjust to any changes to routines &ndash; it may just take a&nbsp;little time&nbsp;and lots of opportunities for open and clear communication.&nbsp;More advice/support&nbsp;&nbsp;Useful sites/resources&nbsp;

How to Keep Normal Family Routines Going When You Have Cancer

A carer is someone who provides unpaid support to a family member or friend who could not manage without this help. Your child may be helping you with tasks such as cleaning, cooking and shopping, or physically with things like getting dressed, or taking you to the treatment centre.&nbsp;Allowing and supporting your child to care for you can have benefits. You may become closer, and they may learn new skills and feel more mature.&nbsp;&nbsp;At the same time, make sure they don&rsquo;t take on too much and end up overwhelmed. It&rsquo;s important that they keep focusing on their study or work and do things they enjoy, like sport or spending time with friends.&nbsp;Encourage them to discuss with you their new responsibilities and express their feelings and concerns.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Acknowledge and appreciate&nbsp;<ul><li>If your child is a teenager, suddenly becoming a carer can be particularly taxing. They are at the stage when they want to be more independent from their family and spend more time with friends. This can make them feel angry and guilty at the same time.&nbsp;&nbsp; 
Older children (young adults) who&rsquo;ve delayed moving out of home, or had to move back home, to care for you may feel the same.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li>Tell your child how much you appreciate what they&rsquo;re giving up and all they are doing to support you.&nbsp;</li><li>Encourage them to talk to friends or relatives &ndash; or to vent to people outside their network who have been in the same boat in&nbsp;CanTeen&rsquo;s&nbsp;<a href="https://www.canteen.org.au/join/">online community</a>&nbsp;for young people affected by cancer in the family.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li>Ensure they get time and space to themselves when they need it,&nbsp;and also&nbsp;can keep up with friendships, activities and their normal life as much as possible.&nbsp;</li></ul>Get help for your carer&nbsp;Your child may want to be a source of strength and support to you. But you need to make sure they are not quietly crumbling under the pressure and recognise when they might need help.&nbsp;<ul><li>Call in the cavalry. Ask extended family and friends to support your child and to step in sometimes so your child can have time out.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li>Your child/family may be able to get financial help from the Australian Government. There are some payments specifically for young carers (25 or under) and others available to carers of all ages. See links below or&nbsp;<a href="https://staging.parents.canteen.org.au/resources/dealing-with-centrelink">Dealing with Centrelink</a>.&nbsp;</li><li>Find out about respite care &ndash; having someone care for you (at home or in a care centre) so your child can have a break. Ask someone in your treatment team about respite care or call&nbsp;CanTeen: 1800 835 932.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</li></ul>More advice/support&nbsp;&gt; Call a&nbsp;CanTeen&nbsp;counsellor (1800 835 932), or&nbsp;talk to the oncology social worker at the hospital or another member of your treatment team who can direct you to information and help for carers.&nbsp;&nbsp;&gt; Young Carers is an organisation that supports kids who care for a parent with a serious illness:&nbsp; 1800 242 636 or<a href="https://youngcarersnetwork.com.au/"> youngcarers.net.au&nbsp;</a>Useful sites/resources&nbsp;The Australian Government <a href="https://www.carergateway.gov.a">Carer Gateway</a> is a national online and phone service that provides practical information and resources to support carers. The interactive service finder helps carers connect to local support services.&nbsp;

Canteen's community for parents whose family life is impacted by cancer