Hello..my name is Patrick. Rachael was my best friend and I miss her madly. Our children miss her too. Rachael was diagnosed with endometrial cancer April 9 2018. In the early hours of July 16 2018, Rachael slipped away from us.we spent the night with her in the hospital. Our son had just turned 10 a few days earlier whilst our daughter was to turn 14 only days after her Mums funeral.I frequently ask myself.. is this the best you got?...step up man!.. finish crying and get back in the kitchen!!.. . But I am also reminded by kind and empathetic people, that I must be kind to myself. It really is necessary if healing is to begin. I must honour my beautiful friend with living well and not wasting time.. not missing opportunities that we are all sometimes blind too. I feel this tragedy has opened my eyes given me more clarity to what is real, to what I value.This has not always been the case as we have moved through this grief and trauma. How can it ever be easy.. what to say when the end feels near? Not only to each other.. but to your kids? You at home with the kids.. her in a hospital bed..night after night. Apart from it being terribly sad, I feel so very privileged to have been present in Rachael’s life journey.. we met on an adventure in lands far away...best of friends we became...and a rich life we led.. Rachael’s love-I believed 💖🙏

My partner died from cancer

Keeping it Real

My child has cancer

I am a parent with cancer

My partner has cancer

My child died from cancer

Grief & Bereavement

ScoMo v’s FOMOCan I tell you having to be careful about staying away from people while my husband Marty gets chemotherapy has been made so much easier by ScoMo making rules that everyone should stay away from each other. He took away FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) which Marty suffers from terribly. We don’t feel like we are missing out on anything when there is nothing to miss out on.Our 13 year old daughter Maya is home all the time now, home schooling and staying germ free, and it has been wonderful. Cancer brought concerns for Marty that he won’t get the chance to teach Maya the things Dads teach their daughters, surprisingly COVID-19 has given us some concentrated time to work on this. He has been teaching her car things - how to check water, wheels, oil, change a tyre, hook up a trailer, even drive. How to properly wash and polish a car. How to play cards - canasta, how to be a good winner and a good loser. Safely riding a bike on the road, how to properly throw a football and daily self defence/Martial arts classes.&nbsp;I love cooking while they playfully argue about the board game they are doing 🥰Covid Social isolation has given us family time we may not have had without it.It is precious time we will treasure forever.

Cancer v’s COVID

My partner survived cancer

My child survived cancer

I survived cancer

Everyday Life

Just introducing myself.My husband who is 56 years old was diagnosed with metastatic cancer of the tongue at the end of October. The secondary growths (both sides of the neck) were identified first. Fortunately that seems to be where the spread has stopped for now, but there was a node in his chest which is being kept a close eye on. We have 11 (nearly 12 year old) twin girls (non identical) and an almost 8 year old son. Our son and one of the twins have been diagnosed (also in the past 12 months) with ASD (level 2). So my life currently is a blur of specialists, therapists, and dealings with various government agencies. I also volunteer for my local multiple birth organisation and I work as a midwife. Overall, while the initial feelings of shock have faded, we are both still in a state of disbelief that this has happened to us. My husband was a smoker but quit 25 years ago. He's always looked after his teeth and he's never been a heavy drinker (all the risk factors that were mentioned). He commenced chemotherapy on the 16th December and to date he has had 3 hospital admissions as he is just not coping physically. After his first round he ended up with neutropaenic colitis and was in hospital for 5 days which included Christmas Day. This has been the absolute hardest thing for all of us to deal with.We are also in school holidays , and while the kids are being pretty good, it is also pretty sucky spending your whole holidays being dragged from pillar to post while mum and dad go to all the appointments. Any tips? Will be grateful to hear from anybody.

Mouth cancer

My Story

Welcome to the CanTeen Connect Parent Forums. Tell us about yourself. :)

Introduce Yourself!

I just wanted open up this chat to see how everyone is going at the moment. 

I know our emotions fluctuate a lot. The roll-a-coaster of cancer! 

Recently I had a 3 days respite from my husband. We were at the point where we had nothing to talk about except cancer and kids and conversations really were not happening and I thought time away doing our seperate things would give us something to talk about and help us reconnect. 

Well it did but when he got home I was so resentful and cranky! I had enjoyed the peace and not having to constantly check in and monitor what he was doing  (spent a day on the couch in my PJs watching TV) I am just so tired - mentally, physically and emotionally. I get no help from family as we live 7hrs from the closest lot. (Side note: they don’t even visit and he’s terminal - I really don’t get it and it makes me cranky)

It took me a few days to get my cranky pants out of me (counsellor helped) and get over that this is how our life is and I just have to deal with it. 

So planning our next adventure to lightening ridge in October so we all have something to talk about together and we can cherish those memories. 

So what’s happening in your life - give us the good, bad and the ugly and we can support each other.

How is everyone going at the moment?

My husband passed away just over 3 weeks ago. I have two daughters and I would like to connect with other people in the local area who have also lost their partner

Hello

When your partner has&nbsp;cancer, your child&rsquo;s relationship with you is even more important &ndash; the most helpful thing they need is for you to be there for them, physically and emotionally.&nbsp;That can be a challenge when you&rsquo;re caring for your partner with cancer.&nbsp;These tips can help you make the most of the time with your child so they feel loved and secure despite all the change affecting your family.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Communicate, and appreciate&nbsp;&nbsp;<ul><li>Let them know you understand, and appreciate, that your partner&rsquo;s cancer is having a big impact on their life too.&nbsp;</li><li>If they&rsquo;ve taken on extra chores and responsibilities, like looking after younger siblings, let them know that you (and your partner) appreciate it. Most young people are keen to help, but if it feels like a burden or unvalued it can cause anger and stress.&nbsp;</li><li>Remind them how much you love them through words, hugs and time spent together.&nbsp;</li><li>Especially with teenagers and young adults, be honest about what&rsquo;s happening and&nbsp;your feelings. It will help them trust you and feel they can be honest about their feelings with you.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li></ul>&nbsp;Spend time with&nbsp;them&nbsp;<ul><li>Find time to do something special with your child. Going&nbsp;shopping&nbsp;or to a movie&nbsp;gives you both a break&nbsp;from &lsquo;the cancer&rsquo;&nbsp;and lets your child know that your relationship is&nbsp;really&nbsp;important to you.&nbsp;</li><li>Rather than feel guilty about times when you are&nbsp;at the hospital or caring for your partner or just need to get some sleep,&nbsp;on the days when you do have time forget the housework or catching up on email and do something fun with your child.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li>Protect your family time. Ignore your phones when you&rsquo;re having dinner or doing something together. Create opportunities for you all to make memories together.&nbsp;</li><li>Have a &ldquo;cancer free&rdquo; day when you don&rsquo;t talk about (and try not to think about)&nbsp;cancer and do fun things that allow all your family members to relax, laugh and joke.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li></ul>&nbsp;More advice/support&nbsp;&nbsp;Useful sites/resources

How to Maintain My Relationship With My Child When My Partner Has Cancer

Supporting My Child

Cancer and cancer treatment inevitably mean some disruptions and changes to your family&rsquo;s routines. Keeping things as &lsquo;normal&rsquo; as possible gives your children a sense of security and support&nbsp;in the midst of&nbsp;all the chaos and change.&nbsp;&nbsp;Keep things as normal as possible&nbsp;Continue with your normal routines as much as possible.&nbsp; Tell your child it&rsquo;s okay to go about their life as usual - to see their friends, play sport, do after-school activities and have fun. Some young people feel guilty about having fun when their parent is sick. Keeping up their sport or hobbies or time with friends means they have some &lsquo;time out&rsquo; away from the cancer.&nbsp;Tell your children how their day-to-day routines are going to be affected. Children, especially younger ones, like routine and it helps them feel secure.&nbsp;So&nbsp;prepare them for any changes in advance and involve them as much as you can &ndash; for example, choosing which of two friends they would prefer to go to their swimming lessons with. Make sure they know:&nbsp;<ul><li>who will be looking after them if you&rsquo;re not at home&nbsp;and that they will never be alone&nbsp;</li><li>how long will you be away from&nbsp;home&nbsp;</li><li>who will pick them up from school or take them to their sport training or music lesson&nbsp;</li><li>any other changes to their usual routine.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li></ul>Sometimes plans change suddenly, so also help your child to understand that sometimes they will need to go with the flow.&nbsp;&nbsp;If your child is an adolescent or young adult, many aspects of their normal life and development may be changed, or even missed altogether. As well as less of your time and attention, they may have less time to spend on their interests or with people outside the family due to increased responsibilities such as household chores or looking after younger siblings. Encourage and help them to keep up their social life and activities they enjoy.&nbsp;&nbsp;How to maintain normal routines&nbsp;Keeping family life as normal and stable as possible reduces the amount of change your child&nbsp;has to&nbsp;cope with. Some tips for trying to maintain &lsquo;normal&rsquo;:&nbsp;<ul><li>Ensure that your child continues going to school (or continues their tertiary education or work)&nbsp; 
&nbsp;</li><li>Accept or ask for help from others so your child can continue after-school or weekend activities like sport or music.&nbsp;</li></ul>If there are just too many activities to juggle talk to your child about putting one on hold for a&nbsp;while, but&nbsp;try to keep up most of their normal schedule so they get &lsquo;time out&rsquo; from thinking about your cancer.&nbsp;&nbsp;<ul><li>Preserve family time&nbsp;</li></ul>If you can, try to set aside time for the whole family as well as for each of your children.&nbsp;<ul><li>Maintain normal family rules.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li></ul>Key things to remember&nbsp;Keeping routines as normal as possible doesn&rsquo;t mean pushing yourself to make sure nothing changes. Often parents feel guilty about the impact of their cancer on their children and push themselves to keep doing everything. But there may be times you just can&rsquo;t.&nbsp;&nbsp;Your family will adjust to any changes to routines &ndash; it may just take a&nbsp;little time&nbsp;and lots of opportunities for open and clear communication.&nbsp;More advice/support&nbsp;&nbsp;Useful sites/resources&nbsp;

How to Keep Normal Family Routines Going When You Have Cancer

A carer is someone who provides unpaid support to a family member or friend who could not manage without this help. Your child may be helping you with tasks such as cleaning, cooking and shopping, or physically with things like getting dressed, or taking you to the treatment centre.&nbsp;Allowing and supporting your child to care for you can have benefits. You may become closer, and they may learn new skills and feel more mature.&nbsp;&nbsp;At the same time, make sure they don&rsquo;t take on too much and end up overwhelmed. It&rsquo;s important that they keep focusing on their study or work and do things they enjoy, like sport or spending time with friends.&nbsp;Encourage them to discuss with you their new responsibilities and express their feelings and concerns.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;Acknowledge and appreciate&nbsp;<ul><li>If your child is a teenager, suddenly becoming a carer can be particularly taxing. They are at the stage when they want to be more independent from their family and spend more time with friends. This can make them feel angry and guilty at the same time.&nbsp;&nbsp; 
Older children (young adults) who&rsquo;ve delayed moving out of home, or had to move back home, to care for you may feel the same.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li>Tell your child how much you appreciate what they&rsquo;re giving up and all they are doing to support you.&nbsp;</li><li>Encourage them to talk to friends or relatives &ndash; or to vent to people outside their network who have been in the same boat in&nbsp;CanTeen&rsquo;s&nbsp;<a href="https://www.canteen.org.au/join/">online community</a>&nbsp;for young people affected by cancer in the family.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li>Ensure they get time and space to themselves when they need it,&nbsp;and also&nbsp;can keep up with friendships, activities and their normal life as much as possible.&nbsp;</li></ul>Get help for your carer&nbsp;Your child may want to be a source of strength and support to you. But you need to make sure they are not quietly crumbling under the pressure and recognise when they might need help.&nbsp;<ul><li>Call in the cavalry. Ask extended family and friends to support your child and to step in sometimes so your child can have time out.&nbsp;&nbsp;</li><li>Your child/family may be able to get financial help from the Australian Government. There are some payments specifically for young carers (25 or under) and others available to carers of all ages. See links below or&nbsp;<a href="https://staging.parents.canteen.org.au/resources/dealing-with-centrelink">Dealing with Centrelink</a>.&nbsp;</li><li>Find out about respite care &ndash; having someone care for you (at home or in a care centre) so your child can have a break. Ask someone in your treatment team about respite care or call&nbsp;CanTeen: 1800 835 932.&nbsp;&nbsp;&nbsp;</li></ul>More advice/support&nbsp;&gt; Call a&nbsp;CanTeen&nbsp;counsellor (1800 835 932), or&nbsp;talk to the oncology social worker at the hospital or another member of your treatment team who can direct you to information and help for carers.&nbsp;&nbsp;&gt; Young Carers is an organisation that supports kids who care for a parent with a serious illness:&nbsp; 1800 242 636 or<a href="https://youngcarersnetwork.com.au/"> youngcarers.net.au&nbsp;</a>Useful sites/resources&nbsp;The Australian Government <a href="https://www.carergateway.gov.a">Carer Gateway</a> is a national online and phone service that provides practical information and resources to support carers. The interactive service finder helps carers connect to local support services.&nbsp;

Canteen's community for parents whose family life is impacted by cancer